Last week I wrote about how to feel less overwhelmed, and ironically, this past week has been very overwhelming. In the last week, I had to organize a big event at work. I had hosted this event before so I felt pretty organized and confident that I could pull it off. However, I didn’t expect some new projects to also pop up at the same time. I started to get overwhelmed of course! So I decided to follow my own guidelines to not feel overwhelmed that I wrote about in my last blogpost. I preceded to finish the immediate tasks at hand and plan out my to-do lists on my calendar.
It seemed that I was calming down a little and then suddenly Monday night I just started to feel super overwhelmed. You know that feeling when every anxious thought just starts infiltrating your brain and then the supposed calm you had created just dissipates into thin air. I hate that feeling. I mean, I shouldn’t feel overwhelmed because I was prepared. So I started pacing a little and of course, started talking to my husband. Then, I preceded to distract myself with Instagram and Youtube. Like usual, I got a bit teary, but I guess it wasn’t that bad.
It made me think about how anxiety controls our minds. We become masters at trying to dodge its presence, but no matter how prepared we are, it will always come to haunt us when we can’t accept uncertainty. I know my doctor tells me all the time that the only way I will get better is if I face my fears, but boy is it hard when I do. This week I had to face my fears of being super busy, talking in public, and organizing a big event. I chose to face these fears because I didn’t want my anxiety to hold me back from things I wanted to do. Of course, it all went well and I wasn’t even that anxious at all, but the buildup, the buildup, is always so hard for me. I guess it is true, a battle is not won in a single day, or a week for that matter and what is my battle anyway? Is it to cure my anxiety (which isn’t possible since it is a chronic illness)? Is it to manage it or is it just to be friends with it? Who knows?