16. Anxiety Crutches

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From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a crutch is “a source or means of support or assistance that is relied on heavily or excessively.” As someone with anxiety, I have had my fair share of crutches, from relying on family to take care of me to always carrying a few Clonazepam in my purse. When you are anxious, all you want to do is not feel anxious. You might go exercise or anxiously try to distract your brain by watching TV all day. Sometimes it will work, but when it doesn’t, the search to bury the anxiety becomes a source of anxiety itself.

This thought came about after watching one of my favourite Youtubers talk about how she deals with travel anxiety. She made a 20 minute video dealing with this topic since she also suffered from anxiety. In the video, she gives some solid advice about how she deals with travel anxiety. This included bringing books to read on the plane for distraction and downloading some relaxation apps. It was all good advice, but I couldn’t get through the whole video because I actually got more anxious watching it.

It made me reflect on why I felt this way. It is healing and helpful to have a list of strategies to deal with your anxiety. However, can these anxiety-combating strategies become a crutch sometimes? I remember that a part of my treatment for anxiety was to slowly face my fears. I think it is good, and even necessary to use these crutches initially to face the anxiety, but it is important to think of ways to slowly diminish your reliance on them slowly. I know it is hard, and I still carry a few Clonazepam in my purse. What are your thoughts?

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15. I Am Obsessed With Happiness

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I am obsessed with happiness.

Learning about it. Living it. Figuring it out.

I know it is probably a fruitless endeavour, but I can’t stop. I just find it too interesting to stop. Many people probably never even think about why they are here or wonder what is the meaning of life? I am not one of those people. Although, I wish I was sometimes.

Recently, I was reading the Instagram posting of a celebrity who talked about how he felt he hasn’t been happy since he was 10 years old. This idea really got me thinking. Is true happiness the kind we can only find when we were children? When we were carefree without a single worry in the world. When we greeted everything new with excitement and sense of wonder. If we don’t find that form of childish happiness again, is our life unhappy?

I guess it is easy to romanticize our childhood joy because we can never replicate it again. I’d like to think every time we get the thrill of a new experience, like visiting a new country, we get to almost replicate that joy again in a small way. However, this time around we might actually be able to realize how precious it is and to savour the moment.

But I don’t really like thinking that we have reached our peak of happiness when we were 5 years old or something. I think we still experience happiness. It is just a different type of happiness and there shouldn’t be a measure of which type of happiness is the best. I mean, being happy is usually a good thing.