23. Into the Flame

I have been addicted to a Korean drama called “Mr Sunshine” lately. The story follows a noblewomen who is secretly a part of the Righteous Army in Korea. As Joseon (Korea’s former name) is slowly taken over by the Japanese, she fights to keep her homeland free. Of course, there is a love story and other plot twists as well. No, I don’t think I can be part of any army. However, I particularly love the main character’s choice to live a life where she can say she walked “into the flame” and shone brightly. In this way, she felt she was able to live the best version of herself.

Nowadays, talking about putting your life on the line daily, might seem quite dramatic to many people. Even though there are still many wars being fought in the world, I have been lucky to not have seen war in my country. However, I think there is something to be learned from this Korean drama. Have we done things in our life where we walked the tightrope? Have we done things that in our life that risked our life just a little bit? I don’t support reckless behaviour, but have we even hovered near that “flame” at least once in our life?

I would like to think that hovered around that “flame” a little bit. My first brush with mental illness occurred after my first breakup. It took a while to recover from that, but I decided to date my husband knowing that the extra stress of relationships might be the catalyst for another bout of depression. I even attempted to have a baby knowing that it will bring on a lot of stress and possibly trigger my mental illness. I don’t know if every time I walked near the flame, I succeeded. However, I definitely felt more empowered by the fact that I even tried. Hopefully, I could look back one day and feel like I “shone” a few times in my life.